It’s Been A Month
So it’s been a month now since I’ve left my job and made this my full time thing. I’ve had so many people tell me how great I’m doing and how inspirational I am going for my dreams, that I think it’s only right I’m transparent.
It’s not been as easy as I thought. I didn’t run out the door of my office and not look back. Ok that’s a lie, I haven’t looked back at that life at all. But it hasn’t been as easy and fun as I thought it was going to be.
I expected the weight to lift off my shoulders, for my time to be my own. I thought I’d be going for coffee with my mum and brother, baking cookies with the kids and my house would be spotless. Who was I kidding?
I actually feel more pressure now than I did in my job. I’m seeing my house and what needs done in it every day, I can’t walk out the door and ignore it. In fact, I need the crumbs to be hoovered in my living room because that’s also my office, and I can’t work in mess.
I also have my kids 2 extra days a week, which I’m delighted about, but it’s not quite as straight forward as clocking off. Or atleast it isn’t in my head. I’m feeling the pressure to earn money, not from anyone else, but from myself. I touched on it in a previous post, but I know how it feels to have no money, like none! To know what it’s like to not know how you’re paying the rent. I know I’ll never go back to that, but I’ve also got myself to a point where I like money and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
Success in Business
I like buying my kids, and me, nice clothes. I want to give my children experiences, and ideally I want them to travel the world like I did when I was a kid. I want a bigger house in the next couple of years so that I don’t have to work in my living room. I want, I want, I want…just like most of us do.
But more than that I want to grow my business. I want to meet new brides. I want to capture weddings and people who love what I create for them. That takes so much work. More than most people realise. My mind doesn’t stop.
I see so many people starting out in photography and thinking that all they need is a camera and Lightroom. I was one of those people not that long ago. But being a photographer is so much more than your technical ability with a camera. You’re half creative, half business person..actually it’s probably more like 20/80.
Some of the most technically gifted and talented photographers I’ve seen are not the most well known or successful financially because they lack the business ability and way with people to take their business to the next level. Similarly I see people with little to no technical ability in comparison, with thousands of followers, booked solid for the next two years and raking the money in. That’s the fickle world of photography for you.
The very best photographers I know are a mix of both. They stay true to themselves and their creativity whilst being wonderful at marketing, admin and organisation. They are photography ninjas and they are my goals. But they work damn hard, and have worked, trained and fought to get where they are. And that’s why I strive to work so hard and be authentic, whilst also trying to figure out the whole work/life balance thing.
It’s a lot to think about, a lot to learn and a lot to process. I also feel like physically and mentally my mind is recovering from the stress I was under juggling everything for the last 6 months. I now don’t have a clue how I did it. I was so busy I didn’t have time to breathe, let alone rest. The first week after I left, I napped every single day for atleast 2 hours. I couldn’t help it. My body clearly needed to just stop.
Ain’t No Cape Here
You see, I’m not super woman. I don’t ever try to be, but I do put a lot of pressure on myself to do as much as I can, and I feel like shit when I don’t succeed. I think most of us women these days are the same. We want it all, we strive for it all, and we’re kind of expected to do it all, but it’s a lot! And I think it’s ok to say that. In fact, I think we should say that more.
I have no doubt I will find my groove, my new normal and my little mind will settle. It’s just an adjustment, and it’s a good one. The last month has been a huge success for my little business, with it growing and expanding into workshops, booking more weddings and having some of the best sessions and weddings so far. Like I’ve had my dream sessions. Creatively my work is at a point now where I’m starting to come into my own. My style is really starting to be defined.
On a personal level I don’t think I’ve ever been more confident in my own skin. I’ve even be featured on fashion instagrams (WTF)! I’m proud of how I look, who I am and where I’m going. I am surrounded by people who get me and encourage me (including the lovely Melissa who took the image above). That in itself is a huge thing for me.
So yeah, it’s been a BIG month, but it’s definitely been a good one. Thank you for coming along on this crazy ride of mine, and I hope you appreciate the ‘warts and all’ approach I’m taking to this whole blogger life. Lx